The Black Widow
by misskatiefrank
Summary: The Joker never expected to meet anyone as twisted and insane as he. No one in Gotham expected it; in fact they all prayed that it would never happen. OC but no romance! M for violence and strong language.
1. 0: Prologue

The police officer looked on, horrified, as the corpse he had discovered just moments earlier. This was the third murder of its kind in a week, the fifth since the spree began. At first they had thought it was the Joker trying new games, they seemed to be his kind of killings after all. Sliced with knives, no obvious links between any of the victims, it was so much like the Joker's M.O. After the second murder they had even began to look for subtle clues as to a link between the dead, at first they thought that all the victims were going to be male but then the fourth victim was a young girl. In fact the only link they could find between any of them was the way they were all killed and the marks left behind, a red lipstick kiss on the right cheek. It had been argued that it could still be the Joker, he did wear lipstick after all, but lines were all too neat definitely not from the sloppy mess on the clown's face and besides, it was the wrong shade. No this was something entirely new and different, but just as dangerous.

In his beat up warehouse the Joker was watching the television screen closely. Usually the news didn't interest him, he couldn't care less about the meaningless lives of the people of Gotham city – there were bigger things out there for him to do, for him to blow up. Although sometimes he liked to watch it just to see how many minutes his own little games got on air. But recently he'd spent more and more time keeping up with the world, watching the news, picking up newspapers. Something had caught his eye and he wasn't sure whether he liked it. The Black Widow, that's what they were calling her. At least they seemed to assume it was a woman. Her… activities… had first caught his eye when he had been accused of the murders. The red lipstick kiss she left behind and the sheer randomness of the killings had sent the finger of blame flying after him. That was when he'd started following her closely, wishing to pry into the mind of someone who thought they could play his game without upsetting some of the major pieces on the board. Even the Batman hadn't been able to pin this woman, this black widow, down and get inside her mind. Something he had failed to do with the Joker himself. Yes, she was very interesting.

And now he wanted to meet her. So he could kill her.

The Black Widow stared into her mirror, blood red lips twitching into a smile at the way the cracked shards made her reflection look. All broken into pieces like a jigsaw that didn't quite fit together. She leant a little closer, twisting the black strands of hair that fell into her face behind her ears. She paused for a second, peering deeper into the largest shard of glass, her pencil-thin eyebrows knitting together as she remembered the reason she had smashed the mirror in the first place. Well… one of the reasons. It was the reason she had burned all the photographs as well, effectively erased herself from all but the tabloid headlines. In that shard of mirror she saw everything she had lost, the once emerald green eyes that had been so full of life were now dull and dark, and a twisted kind of insanity bubbled beneath them. The kind of insanity that had turned her into a cold and calculated killer with no remorse, no regrets and almost not recognition of how wrong her actions were. There had been reason for the first killings, the ones where she left no calling card to mark her name, but no longer. Murder had been a slippery slope, one she was all too happy to slide down. It had changed her. Now she killed without reason, she picked her victims at random having taken a leaf out of the infamous Joker's book, the man who owned the town – she just wanted to shake things up now, cause a little anarchy. Every night when she went out she wondered whether tonight was the night he would find her. If her antics hadn't gone unnoticed by Batman there was no way they would go unnoticed by The Joker, she was sure to have ruffled his feathers by now, especially when at first the press blamed him. She would be ready for him when he came; she had been ready for him for so long now. Silently she lifted her favourite blade from the dressing table, holding it against her cheek almost lovingly, the tip just digging into her scar. She caught her eye in the mirror once more and sighed, slipping the blade into her belt and lifting the rest into place. With a whirl of her coat she disappeared out of the room and into the darkness.


	2. 1: Fear, Loathing and Fun

She stood, silent at the edge of the alleyway, half shrouded in darkness just the way she liked it. Her mind was whirring at lightning speed, thinking over everything and nothing at the same time. Sometimes she wondered whether she should be on some kind of medication, her thoughts were so jumbled at times. But in her heart she knew she was just the way she was, and no medication invented could change or cure that. Her frantic thoughts were interrupted by a voice, for a second her heart jumped, wondering whether she would finally meet the Joker. But no, this voice didn't have the insane sing-song lilt of the one on the television screens and radios all across Gotham. This voice was rough and slurring.  
"Hey sweetheart how much do you charge?"  
She cast her eyes sideways, right side of her body still hidden in the darkness. The owner of the voice was a large man, tall and broad. He was dirty too, with the unkempt hair and matted beard he looked like he wouldn't be able to afford any of the prostitutes on these streets anyway. She sniffed and turned her head away again, ignoring him and slipping back into her whirlwind of thoughts.  
"Come on; let me give you a kiss…"

In the midst of her blur of thoughts her mind was made up. Tonight she would make one point. Not that anyone would ever pick up on it. This man, this gruff dirty oaf before her, had taken her back into her past. Ripping up something painful she didn't want to revisit. Her eyes steeled and she slipped backwards into the shadows, a small movement of her hand beckoning him to follow her. As she moved down the alley she stepped right under a lone beam of light and there she stopped. The oaf followed, freezing just a few feet into the light, a look of horror and disgust on his face.  
"Now I think about it I'm going. There's no one that would want to fuck you, not even if you paid 'em," he grimaced, eyes focused on the scar.  
As he started to back up the woman whipped forwards, quick as a flash and got behind him, pressing a blade into the small of his back. She leant up and brought lips close to his ear, nose wrinkling at the stench of drink and sweat and fear radiating off him.  
"Now now, I think that's quite a rude thing to say to a lady. Don't you? And I know for a fact that there are people on these streets right now that would fuck me in the drop of a hat, scar or no scar," she whispered, voice menacingly sweet. "Now why don't you quiet down while I tell you a story? I mean, I wouldn't want to have to cut out that disgusting tongue of yours so… early, into the night."  
The oaf nodded, closing his eyes tight. The Black Widow smiled to herself, she knew that look oh so well. He was praying silently to himself. Probably biting down on his tongue too so he wouldn't whimper with fright. Not that there was any God who could save him now. Still, it gave her a warm feeling of amusement when it was the big burly ones who feared so badly.

"It was a guy a lot like you who gave me my scar you know. Looked a bit like you too. Dirty." The words were still a whisper but now her voice had a slight edge to it, like she could taste something vile. "I was just outside enjoying a cigarette, a few blocks away from this very spot, y'know all innocent like? Well this big man he came up to me, made the same mistake you did. Except this one was a lot more pushy. Wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't a whore, he kept asking for 'just a kiss'." She paused, inhaling sharply through her teeth as if the very memory pained her. "He kept going 'let me give you a kiss' and I kept saying no. Then I made the mistake of walking away. He didn't like that very much, no, not one bit. He dragged me back into this alley, a little bit like this one here. And he said to me… You better listen close here because this is the best bit of the story… He said to me 'I'm going to give you a kiss and make sure you never get work again' and you know what he did?"  
She paused, waiting for the man to reply. When he said noting she pressed her knife blade a little harder into his back, eliciting a frightened whimper from him.  
"I said, do you know what he did?"  
The man shook his head frantically.  
"He pulled this big shiny knife out of his belt. And I was crying and begging for mercy, you'll be doing that too in just a minute, and he just laughed. Then he dragged me up onto my feet and pressed the knife into my cheek, and all this time I'm still crying and pleading. Then know what he does? He presses the blade into my cheek and draws this big X on my face. Right by my eye. Did you get it? Do you get his little pun? Give me a kiss..." She laughed dryly, prodding the man in the back with her own blade. "Then he just dropped me, not another word, and walked away. And I ran back home to my parents. Got myself stitched up. Still… ma and pa could never look at me right again after that. And I'm the one who nearly lost an eye… funny old world ain't it?"

She released the man and took a step back shaking her head at him.  
"No running now, remember I can probably catch you and I don't think you'd like that. Not that you'll like any of this really…" She grinned.  
The man fell to his knees and started to beg and plead and whimper and cry, just like she told him he would. A small smile spread across her lips as she watched him. She was getting good at this game; she liked knowing how they would react. Liked seeing the big ones plead for their life. Liked to see them get down on their knees in front of a girl and beg, it was some kind if perverse pleasure she figured, playing with the knife between her fingers.  
"Look I'm sorry. I'm nothing like that man, I swear to God. I have a wife and a kid at home, please don't hurt me. Please don't kill me. What would happen to my family…" He babbled, no longer able to look at her. "I swear I ain't nothing like that fella, I wouldn't ever hurt a lady. Please, just don't kill me."  
"Oh… you think…" She paused and smiled, it was a smile that sent shivers down the man's spine. A smile had no warmth to it, just a dangerous malice with a twist of insanity. "Oh what a fool! I don't care whether you're like that man or not, really, I don't care what kind of person you are at all. Want to know a secret?" She bent down, lowering her voice to almost a whisper. "You're going to die either way. And really, with a wife and child at home should you really be on the streets propositioning prostitutes? Shame on you!"  
The man's eye s widened even more and for a moment she wondered whether he was going to wet himself like the one last week. She hoped not, that had been terribly unpleasant. But no, the brute got to his feet and tried to charge her, probably hoping to knock her into something and knock her out. Rolling her eyes she darted out of his way, almost moving quicker than the eye could see. Her arm whipped out and the man collapsed to the floor with a shriek of agony, bleeding profusely from his legs, Achilles tendon severed.  
"Now what did I say about running?" She scolded, crouching down beside him.

Apparently the pain had brought out the man's angry side. That or he had finally realised he was never going to escape and wanted to go down fighting. In either case he'd had a sudden burst of confidence and the whimpering had ceased to be replaced by shouting.  
"YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
The Black Widow arched an eyebrow at him.  
"Really, because I can't see that happening. What with you lying there in the dirt bleeding and defenceless and me crouching here perfectly unharmed with my knife, and besides…" she paused and glanced up at the apartments above them "I think it's quite rude of you to be shouting and carrying on like that when there's people in their rooms trying to sleep."  
"You disgusting murderous whore. Even if I don't kill you you can bet the Batman will find you. Then you'll wish you died after you're locked up in Arkham Asylum, bitch."  
He had stopped shouting now, but his voice was still loud. Loud enough to wake the occupants in the apartments surrounding. It amused her when they got confident at the end, but she didn't want him to wake the wonderful residents of Gotham. That would just ruin all her fun.  
"Such foul language," she sniffed, tilting her head. "I think we should cut out your tongue."  
His eyes widened and the great oaf started to scream, a sound that was soon cut off by gurgling as his mouth was filled with blood from his severed tongue.

After ten minutes of near silence she finished her work. At first she'd feared the man would drown in his own blood before she had a chance to have any real fun but somehow she'd managed to roll him over. It left a terrible bloody mess on the floor but she didn't care. Now he was finally dead she bent down and kissed his right cheek, her red lipstick leaving its signature mark there. Smiling to herself she wiped her knife down on his pants and slipped it back into her belt. She slid gloved hands into her pocket and walked away.

From the shadows of a nearby building the Joker watched with great intrigue. Never before in his many years of being a criminal had he ever taken such pains to keep an eye on the other villains in his town, but this one interested him. He had studied her closely as she worked, taking unusual delight in her malicious but almost child-like ways. Something about her seemed familiar but he wasn't quite sure what. He put it down to the comparisons drawn between the two of them in the Gotham newspapers, but that didn't seem quite right. Besides she did things a different way to him. It wasn't quite his style but it was sleek and impressive none the less.  
He followed her as she walked, noting with amusement how she smoked through a cigarette holder. There weren't many people who did that any more. Finally she stopped walking, standing still underneath a street lamp, and looked around. Her eyes stared right in his direction and although he knew in his heart she couldn't see him he got the feeling he had been found out.

"I've been waiting for you to make an appearance so to speak."  
She spoke clearly into the night air, her eyes still staring into the shadows.  
"It was just a matter of which of you found me first. I have to say I'm glad it's you." She tapped the ash from the end of her cigarette. "Aren't you going to stop hiding in the shadows? Really, it's no fun talking to darkness."  
A smile twitched on her lips as the purple-suited figure of the Joker stepped out of the shadows.  
"Now, what are you here for? Going to tell me I shouldn't be messing things up on your turf?" She giggled. "Or are you going to torture me and kill me? That sounds exciting…"  
The Joker was a little taken aback. People were never so… happy in his presence. They usually cowered in corners, or if they weren't visibly afraid they put on a fake air of confidence and tried to talk tough to him. But in the end they were all a little afraid of something. She was the first person he had ever seen who wasn't and it both amazed and infuriated him.  
"Oh come on, don't play the silent game with me. I know you have a working mouth on you; I've heard your voice all over Gotham." She teased.  
With surprising speed he moved up to her, bringing out one of his own knives and pressing it to her throat. The black-haired beauty's eyes just lit up excitedly as she stared at him.  
"Nice story. It was a good joke." He giggled. "The Black Widow huh?"  
"Kat."  
The knife jerked back from her throat, leaving a bright red line where it had nicked the flesh.  
"What?" The extra emphasis he placed on the T sending a fine mist of spit into her face.  
"I'm called Kat. None of this stupid Black Widow business. I'm a person not a spider." She replied, tracing the line of blood on her throat with a finger and bringing it up to her mouth to taste. "Hmm… yes. I'm Kat, and you are? And none of this 'I'm the Joker' business. I don't care about the tabloid scare stories; I want to know who you really are beneath the name. You have mine after all."  
He was getting angry now. He wanted fear. He wanted to show her that he was the boss of this town and she was unwanted. She was messing up his finely run schemes. He didn't know how to do that when she wasn't even afraid of him. No, he corrected himself, she wasn't afraid of him yet. He would soon correct that though. Menacingly he took a step forwards and grabbed her face, surprising Kat with the strength in those thin fingers. Her question was completely ignored as he slid the blade of his knife into her mouth, pressing lightly at the corner of her lips.  
"Wanna know how I got my scars?" He asked quietly.  
Kat giggled. "Oh I've heard, more than one story actually and all from your own lips. I haven't lived in a cave for all these years you know." She replied around the knife. "In any case feel free. It's not like more scars will ruin my beauty queen dreams."

The Joker took a step back, again managing to nick her skin with his blade, this time leaving her lips opening an extra centimetre on the left side. He was pleased to see a small wince of pain move across her face as he'd stepped away but even more infuriated that she was still not afraid. The worst of it was that he'd seen something in her that had made him afraid and he really didn't like that. That made him want to slit her throat right there and then. It was nothing she'd done, nothing she could ever hold to him or tell others about. No one would get the upper hand here, but still, it enraged him deeply that she had made him feel this way. The Joker was never afraid. He was never afraid. But there, deep in her eyes while he was looking for the fear he so badly craved he saw something he didn't even see in his own reflection. Hidden in the depths of those green orbs, behind the perverse amusement and the brilliant insanity was something completely different. Behind the insanity was blackness, cold and empty. Inside she was empty. It was no wonder she was insane.

It was her girlish giggle that broke him from his thoughts. That annoying and infectious laugh that dug into his brain and made him want to rip out her tongue. He looked up at her, noticing that blood was now trickling down both sides of her chin.  
"Always thought I could do with smiling a little wider." She replied absentmindedly, studying her handiwork in the small mirror. "You went awful quiet all of a sudden, why so serious?"  
She was mocking him. The bitch was mocking him. With a roar of anger he rushed towards her, yanking her off her feet by her hair and pressing his knife hard into her throat, right over the line he'd left last time. He started to laugh.  
"I get it!" He grinned. "You're an act. You thin-k pretending will save you, if you want to die killing you isn't fun any more? You'll ruin the joke."  
From her position in the air Kat did her best to shrug. Watching the Joker try to figure her out was entertaining. Even she couldn't figure herself out, she felt like a puzzle where the pieces didn't quite fit any more.  
"If that's what you want to believe. It isn't much of a joke though - I always thought your jokes were better than that." She paused, cocking her head to the side and studying him carefully. "Everyone always believes what they want to believe. From the kids on the playground that called me a freak to the men who want to believe every woman out at night wants to sell herself. They just find a story they like and make it true, doesn't matter whether it is or not. Like the Police, they try to give you a motive and a reason, revenge or money. A way of doing things that suits their investigation. I like that about them, means they'll never really figure you out."  
Once more The Joker burst into fits of giggles. He had seen so many impostors in his time, kids that saw how well he was doing for himself and tried to copy. Tried to run with his line of thinking. But this one was different. She almost was him, only wearing a skirt. Although there had been that one time with the nurses outfit…

The Joker still had no idea what to do about this Black Widow, but until then he was going to make use of her. Make sure she didn't go running all over his turf and ruining his best laid plans again. She'd already killed one of the many pawns in his game; he didn't want her clearing the board. 'Hah! Killed the pawns, clear the board' he thought to himself, inner voice laughing. Slowly he lowered her to her feet, sliding his knife into his pocket.  
"I've got some gentle-men I'd like you to meet." He chuckled, turning and starting to stride away. "This could be fun."  
Kat didn't follow.  
"Is this a game?" She asked innocently. "Are you going to lead me back to your lair and have me killed? Maybe string me up as a warning to Gotham criminals that they shouldn't mess about in your city, the Black Widow all caught up in her own web? Or slice up my throat like you did with my father? Or maybe blow me up into little biddy pieces like my mother?"  
He voice was deadly calm, none of the upset one would expect from someone talking about their parents deaths. None of the need for vengeance he had heard before in people's voices.  
"Black Widow… caught in a we-buh." He giggled. "I like that one."  
"That's the second question of mine you haven't answered. Some people might consider it quite rude."  
"I'm a complete gentle-man." He replied.  
There was a barely audible click as Kat snapped her teeth together and started walking forwards, catching up to the spot where the Joker had stopped. "Doesn't matter really, I don't care." She said cheerily, conversationally. "Just make it good. If you're going to kill me now after you've taken so long doing it I want to go out in a good way. I want to bring a little of my own anarchy into Gotham. And make it a good joke; I never was very funny myself…"


	3. 2: That Girl's Insane

All eyes were on Kat as the Joker led her into his hideout, the large abandoned warehouse. As she looked at it she wondered why Batboy hadn't found it already, there had to be reasons, she just couldn't think of them. Unless there weren't reasons and she'd been right when she had told the Joker he was just bringing her here to kill her. Her mind started to whirr again, there was the metallic tang of blood in the air and for a moment she had to fight the urge to pull out a cigarette. She wondered whether it was rude to smoke here.  
"Oooh _boys_. I go-tah someone I'd _love_ you to meet."  
She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to look at the Joker, who was peering into the shadows of the building. Slowly they started to emerge, clown-masked henchmen. Kat bought her hands together in an excited clap and her eyes darted between them. She could almost feel what they were feeling, the fear, the apprehension, the confusion. It brought a smile to her face. A rumbled of murmurs sprang up among the crowd.  
"Is she a captive?"  
"A hostage maybe?"  
"Torture victim."  
"No she'd be tied up wouldn't she?"  
"She's not afraid."  
"Maybe this one is in love with him too."

The Joker held up a hand and the crowd started to quiet. Apparently they didn't do it fast enough.  
"Gentle-men quiet… QUIET!"  
He launched into a long tirade but Kat blocked him out completely, instead focusing her eyes on the weakest looking member of the group. The fear was coming off him in waves; she could sense it from all of them. They were all afraid of him, of the Joker, what he could do to them, their families. It was right too, maybe if she was someone else, someone with family, a traceable past, she would be scared to. Maybe if she gave a damn about life she would have been crying in that alley still, pleading for her life, instead of stood here beside the Joker laughing inwardly. Suddenly she noticed something else in the man's eyes, a reflection from behind her. With a squeak of excitement she span around, interrupting the Joker's speech.  
"Ooh, a cattle prod!"  
He excited remark was met with a hard smack to the face from the Joker, something which got his henchmen laughing obnoxiously. Kat frowned and stood holding her face tenderly, the wound on the left side of her mouth re-opened and dribbling blood. It seemed to take him forever to finish and even when he finally did the henchmen started question time again.  
"So when you get sick of her are you gonna strap this one to a rocket too?"  
Kat's eyes lit up. "Oooh you strapped someone to a rocket? Is she up in the sky now, all sparkly like a constellation?"  
"Whoa, this one's batshit insane."  
The next thing the guy knew he had a blade to his throat. He'd hardly even seen her move, just a black blur at the edges of his vision. She smiled at him, watching his eyes widen in fear.  
"You should learn better manners." She sniffed, sounding slightly insulted as she turned to look back at the Joker. "Mr Joker you should teach your, uh, henchmen, better manners. Don't they know it's rude to talk to a lady like that?"  
"I wouldn't _really_ call you a lay-dee." The Joker smirked back.

Kat just huffed and stepped away with a quick flick of the wrist. The man she had been with shrieked in pain, hand flying up to his neck, coming away with blood on it.  
"I thought henchmen were meant to be brave!" She mocked. "It's a little scratch. Might leave a scar of you're lucky." Her eyes ran over the assembled thugs, the smile on her face growing as she did so. "Oh how exciting. I think they're afraid of me. Not as afraid of me as they are of you course, but still it's a start. We can work on that."  
The Joker was clearly tiring of her and he looked over at his men.  
"Y'know, I just need someone to watch her so she doesn't go _messing_ up… any more of my plans. Volunteers?" He glared at his men, none of them moved.  
Kat giggled and fluttered her eyelashes, placing a hand on her hip. "Why, none of you rushing to come take care of little old me? I couldn't hurt a fly!"  
The Joker snickered. That was the second spider reference she'd made without realising. Still none of his men moved, although by the looks on their faces a few seemed to have forgotten the girl's previous violent outburst.  
"_Well_ seeing as none of you are… rushing… at the opportunity. We're holding tryouts!" A few of the men looked nervous as he paused. "Whoever can get her in the back room and keep her there gets the first prize!"  
Kat arched an eyebrow at his fake excitement then turned to the men, running her tongue over her bottom lip. She struck a pose, cocking one hip to the side.  
"Come and try your luck boys."

The Joker contentedly listened to the noises of the fight from inside his office. Across the large table were spread plans upon plans. Some were dedicated to sheer mayhem, blowing up buildings, stirring a bit of chaos with fake explosives. All of them grand schemes, huge great jokes designed to put a smile on his face if no one else's. But the papers he was bent of right now were his best of schemes, the ones he poured every waking hour into, his plans to get rid of Batman. He didn't know whether he would ever manage it, the great Bat was good fun and for now the oaf gave all his jokes a purpose, but if he did decide to really kill the Batman his death was going to be the biggest and the greatest joke he ever pulled. A work of comic genius. So engrossed was he in the latest scheme, pencil moving hurriedly along the paper, that he didn't even hear the door open. He didn't know Kat was there until she spoke.  
"Well that was fun, whatcha' doing in here?"  
He let out a roar of pure fury and sent a sharpened pencil flying at her. Once which Kat only narrowly managed to avoid getting embedded in her arm. She frowned at the blood welling up from the fresh cut.  
"Well that was rude! I only asked an innocent question."  
"I should have just swatted you. That would have kept you out of my hair!"  
Kat shrugged, stepping across the room as lightly as if she were on springs. "Plans to kill Batman… hmm… why don't you just blow him up?"  
The statement gave him such a clear flashback that he threw up a fist and hit her in the face, nearly breaking her nose. Kat sat on the floor holding her face gingerly, although there was a smile on her lips.  
"You don't like that plan much heh?" She giggled. "Never mind. What was in the back room anyway, the one you failed to get me in."  
"It's my… work roo-muh."  
Kat's eyes lit up and she jumped to her feet taking work to mean torture, death and mayhem.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, voice distorted slightly by her hold on her nose. "Say, are there any of you men you _don't_ mind me playing with?"  
"Take your pick."  
Giddy with excitement Kat pranced across the room, only stopping when she reached the door to finger a disabled handgun. Moments later the butt of it connected with the back of the Joker's head.  
"And that was for being so rude as to throw a pencil at me!"

It seemed to take forever for the screams to silence. At first the Joker had wondered whether she was working her way through every single one of his men, but the screams never changed timbre - it was all one guy alright. Whatever she was doing he had never heard a full grown man scream like that, especially one tough enough to work for him. These guys had been through tryouts. When the screams and cries for mercy had quieted to a slight whimper he pushed himself away from the table, the plan had long been figured out, and headed towards the backroom. What he found there thrilled and horrified even _him_. He knew the one she had chosen, this guys had been with him for a while now, and he'd seen the guy take a tab to the shoulder with only the slightest wince, and here, this _girl_ had been able to make him cry for his mother. Having heard the door Kat span around, grinning from ear to ear and splattered with blood.  
"Was I too loud?" She grinned.  
The Joker just shook his head.  
"You never told me you had so many toys! I should have found this place and hijacked it ages ago." She babbled, running her fingers in an almost loving way over the assorted knives and needles and other instruments. "D'ya like my handiwork by the way? It's been a long time since I've really let loose. Mind you, I've never had so much to _play_ with."  
"It's… impressive." The Joker admitted reluctantly, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.  
In truth he'd never seen anything like it. She was nearly in the same league as him where torture was concerned and part of him wondered whether she'd be able to surpass him with time. That idea unsettled him. He was the boss of this town, best torturer, most notorious murderer and his vanity wasn't going to let him give that up without a fight.  
"Hey Eddie-boy, shouldn't you say hi to your boss?" Kat scolded, bending one of the man's already broken fingers back. "How rude!"  
The guy opened his mouth but all that came out was a trickle of blood. For a moment Kat looked genuinely confused.  
"What's up, cat got your tongue?" She asked, tipping her head to one side thoughtfully. Suddenly it was as if a light bulb went off above her head and she started to giggle. "Oh yeah I did. Ooops, sorry about that Eddie. No hard feeling's eh?"  
She clapped him on the shoulder, apparently sending a jolt of electricity through his body. She rolled her eyes and took the sharp buzzer off her hand before turning back to the Joker.  
"What _were_ you doing in that room?"  
"None… of _your_… business." The Joker growled in reply.  
"Plotting to get rid of Batman?" Kat continued, completely ignoring what he'd said. "You know you won't need to do that when I've cut off the Bat's wings… and his stupid head."

In a sudden burst of rage the Joker launched at her, throwing her onto the table of equipment she had been using. Kat hissed through her teeth as she felt several knives and needles dig sharply into her back, quickly moving her hand from where it had fallen on Eddie's severed tongue.  
"The Bat is _MINE_." The Joker hissed, his face so close to hers that the paint rubbed off on her skin. "You will _not_ kill him. You will not _touch_ him."  
He grabbed a knife and held it up by her face, waving close to her eye.  
"If you do… anything… I _will_ make sure… you die ten times more slowly… than he did." Each pause in his speech was punctuated by a swing of the knife, tracing cuts millimetres above her face. "Got it?"  
"Which is your favourite? Knife I mean?" Kat asked coolly, pausing when the Joker pressed the knife into the skin below her eye. "Yes I got it. Now will you answer my question?"  
He released her and stepped back, allowing her to jump off the table and inspect the damage. Pulling a needle out of her shoulder.  
"Good thing that was empty." She mused, winking at Eddie. "Who knows what kind of _cuh-razy_ chemicals you put in there. Will you answer my question now?"  
"Hm?" In his moment of rage he had completely blocked out everything she had said.  
"Which is your favourite knife? Everyone has their favourites." She smiled, lowering her voice a little. "Come on… you show me yours, I'll show you mine."  
She started to giggle, leaning back and resting her arm on a charred patch of skin on Eddie's knee, eliciting a strange gurgle from him. Apparently the coagulant she had found was starting to wear off…  
The Joker pulled a knife out of his coat pocket. It was the small blade Kat recognised from all the television reports of him; it was also the blade he had threatened her with when they first met.  
"This one." He murmured. "This is my favourite."  
Smiling Kat reached into the back pocket of her trousers and pulled something out, flicking up the blade on it. She held it up to the light, watching it glitter.  
"Only fair after all." She chuckled, eyes misting up slightly. "I said I'd show you mine. My first knife. My favourite. And the one that killed the bastard who gave me my scar. He was a bleeder he was, and he screamed. For a big man he screamed like a girl."  
From behind them there was a gurgle and a faint thud as Eddie slumped in his chair against the restraints. Kat turned and frowned slightly, watching as blood dripped from the man's mouth.  
"Awh."

For the most part Kat left the Joker alone, and everyone left Kat alone. The men had seen what had happened to Eddie and they weren't queuing up to spend time alone with the girl who had done it. That suited Kat just fine, she was in a mood for exploring and she made sure she did it. She found almost every room, hidden or otherwise, every torture weapon and every door in the place. Finally she gave up and went looking for the man who owned it. As before he was in his study writing up plans and plots or compositions for new chemical substances, something, she sniffed and flopped down into a chair.  
"Where's your fridge?" She asked. "I'm hungry."  
The Joker pointed forwards to a door at the other end of the room, apparently the only door she hadn't been through. She was surprised, he actually lived here. Not just came here with victims. As she walked across the room she stopped and looked at him carefully.  
"Do you even eat?"  
"Yes."  
Kat rolled her eyes. Apparently she was getting monosyllabic answers now. The Joker looked up and watched as she disappeared through the door, only to reappear seconds later.  
"I repeat, do you even eat? I think I just discovered seven new types of mould."  
"Har…" He paused. _'Harley used to sort that out.'_ He thought sadly. _'Not that I'll tell her that.'_ "Sort it… yourself."  
"I can't exactly go shopping right now." She snapped, throwing herself into a chair.  
The Joker ignored her and turned back to his work.

Kat clicked her teeth together, making the Joker look up. His teeth gritted in annoyance.  
"If you do that again, I will rip your teeth out." He growled, voice rough and menacing.  
"All at once or one by one?" The woman asked casually. "Because if you ripped them out one by one it would be more fun but it'd take a helluva long time, all at once is quicker." She paused and fingered her chin for a second. "Either way, can I keep my teeth? I think I'd quite like to make a necklace outta them."  
The henchman on the other side of the door grimaced before raising his hand to knock. As he entered Kat looked up and grinned.  
"Hooney, I'm hooome!" She mocked, falling into a fit of giggles.  
The henchman looked at his boss nervously. Had this been anyone else, except perhaps the bosses' old squeeze Harley, he would have shouted or punched her. But this kid was insane. And dangerous. The Joker just nodded and gestured for him to talk, clamping a hand over Kat's mouth and nose in order to stifle her giggles.  
"Err boss; a Mr Ivonovich is here to see you. He was yelling something about his boss and money." He paused, tipping his head back towards the door and the banging, crashing and yelling that was coming from it. "We restrained him but we didn't know what to do."  
The Joker muttered something about idiots and got to his feet, finally releasing Kat's face. She bent forwards and panted for breath, relishing the oxygen rushing back into her lungs.  
"Have fun!" She yelled after the retreating form of the Joker. "I'm going home. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"  
By the time the Joker had turned around she was gone.


	4. 3: Little Jokes and Short Goodbyes

It had been almost six nights since Kat had last seen the Joker, or even heard anything of him on the news. She had started wondering whether he'd moved out of town. Of course deep inside she knew that was insane, he owned these streets. And there was the Bat here…  
"What are you up to?" She muttered to herself, feet beating out a rhythm on the street.  
She turned into an alleyway; not bothering to see what was down there. Just as she left the safety of the streetlamps she felt herself slammed into a wall and something sharp pressed against her neck.  
"Give me your purse." The assailant growled from the shadows.  
"Oh no. Whatever will I do?! I don't have a purse sir, please don't hurt me!" Kat pleaded voice flat and completely devoid of emotion.  
The mugger pulled back slightly, baffled by his victims complete lack of fear. Using the moment wisely she slid her hand into her pocket, fingering a small hunting knife she had slipped in there earlier. But before she had a chance to use it the man let out a startled yelp and fell to the ground, the tip of a knife protruding nicely from his neck. Kat rolled her eyes and huffed.  
"Everyone in this god-damned city is determined to relieve me of my fun." She grumbled, peering into the shadows. "Mr J, that you?"  
Her question was met with a hard slap to the face, one that sent the back of her head bouncing off the wall behind her. Before she even had a chance to recover from the slap she was hoisted off her feet by a strong hand around her neck and the Joker's white face appeared out of the darkness. Level with her own despite standing a foot taller than her.  
"Don't… _EVER_… call me that." He spat, pulling her forwards and slamming her back into the wall again.  
"Ow." Kat snapped, bringing up her knees and kicking him hard in the stomach.

She landed on the floor seconds later with a thump.  
"Point received." She sniffed, getting to her feet and dusting herself off. "What _can_ I call you then?"  
"Joker."  
"I didn't know you did rescue operations." She grinned, poking the corpse with the toe of her boot. "Not that I really need rescuing, but still the thought was there? Although you know I could have done a much better job, there'd be more blood. More screaming. More _pain_. A knife through the neck isn't really all that original y'know?"  
He didn't answer, just grabbed her arm and started to drag here away, fingers digging into the soft skin there. Realising there was no point in arguing, or even commenting on the situation Kat followed him, easily matching his long strides.  
"I'm going to play a little _joke_ on my old… friend… Batsy." He explained as they went along.  
"Uh huh, keep going."  
"You are a part of it. Seeing as you're a _real_ laydee."  
Kat's eyes lit up. This would be fun. Part of a plot to take down the Batman as devised by non other than his arch enemy, never in her wildest dreams would she have thought of anything so exciting. She turned to look at the Joker carefully, a smile spreading across her lips.  
"Do explain more." She laughed. "I'm just _dying_ to hear all about it."

The plan had been explained. The scene was set.

Kat's skin tingled with a dizzy mixture of excitement and anticipation as she walked down the street. She was thankful for all her early training as an actress. She hated to lie, but lying was different to acting and acting she loved. She wondered for a moment whether Batman was really a fantastic actor or everyone was just too blind to realise who he really was. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear the clown coming up behind her and was so taken by surprise when he grabbed her, a small squeak leaving her lips.  
From that moment on she was in full acting mode.  
"Oh god! Oh no! Someone help!" She wailed, putting as much emotion into her voice as she possibly could. "Oh please don't hurt me! I'll do anything! HELP!"  
She hoped that she was loud enough for the Bat to hear. He'd been spotted in this area before by one of the Joker's other goons, which was why she was down this alleyway screaming her head off, hoping to lure him into a trap.  
Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of silver, the clown had withdrawn a small blade. Kat found herself having to fight two urges at once. The strongest was her urge to defend herself, to take that knife and dig it hard into the man's body, to wreak havoc as she was so used to doing. But on top of that she also had to fight to keep the glint from her eye, that perverted masochistic pleasure she took from the close proximity of the knife to her flesh. The pleasant sting of pain as it dug into her skin.  
"Oh god someone please help! He has a knife." She screamed, raising her voice even more.  
By now she was sure people across the street could hear her, although she was sure no one would help even if they did. The Joker was a big presence on the streets and no one wanted to intervene in case it was him. _'Aren't Bats supposed to have good hearing?'_ She thought to herself exasperated. She was getting tired of this act, she wanted action. She hadn't been the victim of anything for more than a minute or so in years.

There was the swoosh of a cape and a thud of feet behind her. Both of them whirled around, the clown dragging her around with him, the blade digging hard into her ribs. She could feel it tear her clothes and puncture the flesh and she made a quick mental note to remind the Joker he owed her a new shirt.  
"Let her go."  
Kat fought the urge to roll her eyes at the great bat. He was just so _pretentious_ with his ridiculous deep voice and throwing orders around the place like he owned it. It was completely bloody insane and she couldn't even think of one reason why anyone would think he was so good for Gotham at all. But, she firmly reminded herself, that was not who she was right now. Right now she was one of those stupid girls who swooned over men in tight suits and flappy capes.  
"Oh thank god you came! Please help me!" She gasped.  
It would have helped if she was able to cry, but unfortunately even her powers of acting didn't extend that far. The clown loosened his grip on her slightly, preparing for the punch that was to come. She could feel him slide the blade down back into the knife, digging the handle a little harder into her to make things look real. It was all one huge joke, a giant celebration of their acting skills. She couldn't help but smile as she heard the collision just about her head. The thud of skin on skin and the subtle crunch of body against brick. The alley air rushed around her, dancing against her skin and the hole in her jacket.  
"Are you okay?"  
She looked up at the Bat and smiled, the malicious grin really reaching her eyes this time. For the first time since it had happened she was really and truly thankful for the fact she had met the Joker as she darted forwards and jabbed the needle into the flesh of his neck where he wasn't protected by the thick armour.  
"Sweet dreams." She giggled, standing over the Batman as his vision swam and blurred and he went crashing to the floor.

When Batman came to again he found himself strapped into a chair, thick leather restraints biting into his arms and legs. He struggled hard against them, the vision of the petite dark-haired girl coming to the forefront of his mind. A trap. It had all been a trap.  
"Sleeping Beauty awakes."  
His head whipped around. The shadowed corner of the room he could just about make out a figure. He peered closer, narrowing his eyes a little to try and get the clearest vision he could. The girl!  
"You!" He spat.  
"Ooh I think I made an impression." She giggled, stepping out of the shadows and walking towards him, tossing a small blade between her palms. "Ah, no need to be afraid of this little thing Mr Batman Sir. The Joker told me not to kill you unless I wanted to die ten times more slowly and painfully." She paused and looked at him thoughtfully. "He never _expressly_ mentioned not harming you though…"  
"You don't want to do this."  
"Do I not? Really?" Kat's voice had taken on a slightly dangerous tone underneath the mockery, one that Batman didn't fail to pick up on.  
"What is it you want? The money? The fame?" He continued, eyes searching hers for some semblance of emotion, of motive.  
"The entertainment value?" She added in helpfully.  
"No. There have got to be better things to look forwards to than spending the rest of your life in Arkham."  
Quick as a flash Kat was upon him, straddling his lap with the knife held dangerously close to his eye, digging into the flesh of his cheek. Her eyes were blazing with fury, the first real emotion he had seen in them since they started talking.  
"Was that a threat?" She hissed, her face millimetres from his and her voice dangerously low. "It wouldn't be wise to threaten me with things like Arkham while you're tied up there and I'm free to move around. Plus, I have all these pretty toys."  
The great caped crusader didn't flinch, much to Kat's annoyance, although she could see the faint traces of sweat on his upper lip. She didn't like the way he stared into her eyes, like he could see something there. And indeed he could. He could see the tiniest spark of fear in those green eyes. It was there for the merest fragment of a second but he's caught it.  
"Something wrong with your voice all of a sudden Batty?" She hissed her breath hot against his skin.  
Batman just smiled and threw his head forwards, hearing the crunch as his forehead smacked against her nose.

Kat reeled, pinching the bridge of her nose between her two fingers.  
"Why the nose? Is there something so wrong with my nose that everyone thinks they should try a little DIY plastic surgery on it?" She groaned, wiping a trickle of blood away from just above her lip with the back of her hand. "The Joker definitely didn't say anything specific about not hurting you. And I must thank you, giving me good cause to call this one self defence an' all. I wonder how well bats can fly without wings. Not very well I'd wager."  
She moved to the side, running her fingers over an array of fearsome looking torture instruments. Knives and needles, an array of branding irons and a propane lighter, there was even something that looked like it gave electrical shocks. He almost breathed a sigh of relief as she moved back away from the table, but she just stuck a hand in her pocket and pulled out a hunting knife and a lighter. She smiled at them lovingly and stepped towards him, frowning slightly.  
"Oh dear, I think you hurt your cheek Mr Batman, oh great keeper of the peace of Gotham city!" She mocked, pointing at the incision she had made with her blade as she was knocked away from him. "We'll have to clean that up properly. Don't want you getting an infection or anything, that would be just _awful_ for our fine city don't you think?"  
She reached to the other side of him, placing her tools down on the table and picking up a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a grubby looking cloth. As she soaked the cloth and brought it towards his face just the mere smell of the alcohol made his eyes water and he tried to move his head away.  
"Uh uh. No fiddling now." She scolded, dabbing the alcohol on the cut and sending fire racing through his skin. "That's much better. All clean."  
"You're insane."

"Stop insulting me." She snapped, placing the bottle down and picking up the lighter and knife again. "You really are stupid aren't you? First you dare to threaten me with _Arkham_" a shiver ran over her skin as she repeated the name "then you start insulting me. Your reviews are far too generous."  
He watched nervously as she held the blade over the frame, watching as it heated up bright red. The glow reflected off her pale skin, making her scar stand out even more. She removed the flame and stepped towards him, suddenly digging the blade into his shoulder, between two segments of his armour. He couldn't help but cry out in pain as the burning hot metal sank into him, searing the flesh and leaving a pungent smell on the air.  
"That'll teach you."  
The Joker, who had been watching closely, chose this moment to step in. No one else was allowed to so much as touch the Bat. Batman was his and his alone. Kat even touching a blade to his skin hadn't been part of the deal, she was only meant to restrain the brute than come and get him. But she was a woman and in his experience women never listened. So he had told the clown to inform him when the Bat arrived. Up until now he'd been happy to watch, he would have stepped in earlier when she had the blade to his cheek but he had been to interested to find out what the Bat had said that could provoke such a reaction in the girl, when even death barely made her bat an eyelid. Apparently that thing was Arkham. But now she had taken a step too many.  
"WHAT do you _think_ you are doing?" He roared, slamming the door open.  
"Morning Mr J."  
He advanced on her, grabbing her by her throat and hoisting her off her feet. His fingers dug in hard enough to bruise and even she choked a little under the strain, her hand flying up instinctively to his.  
"I touch you _not_ to tou-ch him. Batsy is mine," he continued, spit flying everywhere. "Do you want me to rip off your legs? That's what they do to spiders isn't it?"  
Kat choked but said nothing, her eyes widening slightly. The Joker turned to see a blur of black racing past him.  
"STOP HIM!" He roared, throwing Kat hard against the wall.  
There was an almost sickening crunch as she collided with it and he stopped for a second. Wondering whether he had thrown her too hard. But she whimpered slightly, slithering down to the floor. He turned and headed for the door, but he'd wasted too much time. The Bat was gone.

Only hours later Kat was up an about, ignoring as best she could the steadily darkening bruises on her throat and cheek and the pain all along her left side as she moved. She'd avoided the Joker; sure he was in a foul mood and wouldn't think twice about killing her now. There were times when it amused her to wind him up and see what he'd do, and times when she decided she wasn't suicidal enough to try anything. Right now she was in the kitchen sorting out his fridge.  
"I see why you want her around Boss."  
The Joker looked up, narrowing his eyes as the smile dropped from his face.  
"What?"  
The Henchman in the clown mask quivered a little but stood straight and pursued his point, tipping his head after the figure of Kat.  
"I see why you don't mind having her around; she's a bit like the other bint." He replied. "Harley whatever her name was. Just less… clingy."  
The Joker snarled, his foul mood not improved the slightest by the man's comment. "Do you know why I keep you around?"  
The man shook his head. "No Boss, I don't."  
The Joker nodded and shook his head, pulling a stainless steel blade out of his pocket and flinging it at great speed towards the man's head. It embedded itself in his skull, sending him falling over backwards onto the ground.  
"No, neither do I." He glanced at the body. "There shoulda been a joke in that."  
After that he returned to his desk, but all thoughts of his grand scheme were gone. Now all he could think about was Harley, the girl who'd made him feel. Made him _need_ her. How he'd hated that feeling, the very beginnings of love, an emotion alien to him. And now all he could think about was that his guards were linking Kat to Harley where he never had. And that meant that all he could think about now was Harley and he didn't like that one bit.  
He had to get rid of her.  
He toyed with the idea of tying her up and suspending her from a tall building, sending a giant weight crashing into her like a roll of newspaper.  
"Squashing the spider." He cackled to himself.  
But, in a rare moment of humanity, he decided that he would give her a chance to get out of his city. After all it made him chuckle to read about her antics and she had learned a lot from him. A simple death would be a waste of a good criminal.

In a moment of unusual impulsiveness he grabbed a knife from the table and marched into the kitchen, grabbing Kat by the hair and shoving the knife against her neck.  
"We… we are going for a _chat_." He growled, dragging her towards a side door. "Say good-nigh-t to the _boys_."  
Kat followed as quickly as she could, ignoring the shooting pains from her head being held at such a strange angle and the sensation that her hair was about to be ripped from her scalp.  
"I'm being _generous_." He explained, pulling her out onto a main street and stopping. "This road leads straight out of Gotham. Use it."  
Kat peered down the road, eyes following it as it snaked over a hill and out of sight. She figured this was the nicest thing the Joker was ever going to do for anybody – let them get away from him without dying or serious physical injury and no threat of him coming after them.  
"What, no flowers? No grandiose gesture of farewell?" She asked dryly. "Not even a good joke?"  
The Joker shook his head and Kat sighed, pulling her hair back into a lose ponytail. She stared at him for a few moments more, challenging him to come up with something better. He didn't. He just issued his final warning.  
"If you come back and make noise in my town again you'll never leave."  
He started to laugh.  
Kat rolled her shoulders in a lazy shrug. "I was getting bored of this town anyway. I think I'm going to find somewhere without a dirty great _bat_ spoiling all my plans. Perhaps I'll hit Broadway, I did always want to be in a stage show." She spat the word bat as if it left a nasty taste in her mouth.  
She turned her back to him – not something many people would dare - and started to walk away, pausing as she passed an empty car. Slowly she turned, looking over her shoulder at the towering man in his purple suit, knowing deep down that she'd never come back here again.  
"Y'know, ever need a place to stay away from here. Look me up. I shouldn't be too hard to find. Like you said… I like to make my fair share of noise." She grinned, easily putting her foot through the car window and opening the door. "Never did like public transport…"

"Puddin'!"  
The Joker groaned with exasperation and turned as the red and black suited girl bounced up towards him, grinning broadly. For a moment he wondered whether he should have let Kat stay, got her to really bump off Harley once and for all. But when the girl jumped into his arms it was forgotten. The next thing he knew she'd punched him in the face. Hard.  
"You tried to kill me!"  
"No Pooh… I just sent you on… a ride." He assured her, lying through his teeth.  
She didn't say anything else, just released him from her grip and looked after the car that was driving away down the street, head cocked to one side.  
"Who was she puddin'?"  
The Joker just shook his head. "No one. Just someone making noise in _my_ town."  
Harley said nothing more until the car zoomed out of sight, away from Gotham. Just a streak of blue on the end of the road now.  
"I missed you."  
Apparently the sheer fact Kat was leaving was enough for her. The Joker smiled softly, as much as he resented her for inspiring feelings in him and wanted to get rid of her half the time, as Harley nestled herself into his side he decided that really, somewhere very deep down, he liked having her around.


End file.
